you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
