My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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