Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
