While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She tied me up with her honor cords...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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