I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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