sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
