Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
this just has baby written all over it
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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