so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
