What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
