i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
