how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
