How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
