I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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