we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
