Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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