someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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