my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
