i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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