If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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