Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My cat gives me a boner
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
