i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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