I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
so much tequila, so little girl.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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