go do what you do best...puke behind churches
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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