Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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