I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
