i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
