If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
