maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
