"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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