I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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