I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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