i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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