bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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