there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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