I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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