I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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