my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
