Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
