Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
