Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
