I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He did a backflip because drugs
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