last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
