Hey man sorry I got all grabby
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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