every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
