Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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