i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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