the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
