Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
