Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
