I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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