2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
