That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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