One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
