I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
