He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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